Boundaries! (September blog)

  |   healing

September Blog 2014
Like’em or not – they reflect your level of self-esteem.
We are living in a world where grown men treat life in ways – as if they are playing a casual game of risk.  I look out into this world and see the disconnect from themselves within people.
We the people, the masses have to step up and learn how to set healthy boundaries.  It is a very important aspect of your individual work.  After all it is your relationship with yourself that reflects outward into the world.  How much you love, cherish and honor yourself will immediately affect how much you are able to respect and honor another.
Yes we are all different and yes we all have a right to be unique but we must learn to co-exist in a peaceful way, despite our differences.
You are in the experience of “I”, “Single Identity” or “Individual” for a reason.  Yes we are all one and interconnected but here on earth you are meant to learn your self-love and worth within relationships as “I”.  When you honor your own needs, space and your truth, you will naturally set healthy boundaries.
A lot of people don’t like “boundaries”.  Some even feel that boundaries need to be broken down.  But in truth, boundaries are the success ingredient to all healthy relationships, including the one with YOU.
Boundaries are meant to shift, change and evolve.  Really, boundaries indicate how close your loving and honoring relationship is with yourself. They are an invisible force field that keeps you in touch with how you are feeling, protects you from others unconsciousness and holds you in alignment with your own self-worth.
As you go through life, your life will change, your life’s circumstances will change and you will change.  As your life changes you will want to maintain an awareness of your boundaries and adjust them accordingly.
Here are some examples of unhealthy dynamics while in relationships:
–       Do you feel you have to alter your-self to fit the other’s mood?
–       Are you unable to speak your truth?
–       Are you finding yourself making excuses for the other?
–       Do you feel nervous, anxious and insecure when with a specific person?
–       Do you feel responsible for their happiness? Are you the fixer/doer?
–       Is there an underlying guilt game happening?
–       Do you allow certain inappropriate behaviors that make you feel bad? Do you accept things just to keep the peace?
–       Are you unable to focus on yourself/needs/happiness?
–       Are you unsure of how you are feeling or what you want?
–       Are your feelings not being valued?
–       Are you giving more than you have to give?
Most people do not mean to make you feel uncomfortable. And most people aren’t aware of your discomfort when you do not express it.   Therefore it is your job to draw clear boundaries for all to understand, most importantly YOU!
Here are some keys to help you reinforce your boundaries:
1) Get clear on your needs.  Take the time and space you need to recognize what works for you and what doesn’t.  Make a list of the things you want to change about yourself and about what behaviors from others is not acceptable anymore.
2) Communicate clearly and calmly what has been bothering you.  Honor your feelings, no matter what! Announce the changes.
3) Stay consistent with your new boundaries. Most people resist change but over time it will become normal and they will accept the change.  It will become the “new normal”.
4) Take responsibility for your own emotional triggers. If you are feeling triggered, it means it is your healing opportunity. Do not cast blame because if you would be able to stay calm, you wouldn’t have a trigger in the first place.
5) Give a little to get a little.  All relationships are about compromise and working together.  Don’t be too extreme with your boundaries but let them grow and evolve in time. It always takes two to tango, you allowed it and the readjustment process takes time.
I am wishing for you to walk in the grace and love of your own light.  I am wishing you happiness and clarity.
You deserve a joyous life!
With love and light,

Britta Dubbels